Sunday, October 21, 2007;
♥ 10/21/2007 05:59:00 AM
Are you desperate to find something moreBefore your life is over>>
I just sent my beloved mp3 for repair. ):"It'll take 3-5 working days," she said.:'( Walao, how to survive?
Tmr's my baby cousin's 1 yr old birthday! Went shopping for her gift. OMG. I swear baby clothings are uber cute. I had such joy browsing those those tiny clothings. And i picked up 5 cute little tops + jacket + skirts for her. :DI love you, hanxi! <3>
Ive been thinkin bout it last night (at bout 1+am, cos bascially i was watching 'the Magicians of Love'.) So back to point, ive been reflecting.And to my horror, i realised that almost all the close friends i held to my heart are actually disappearing one by one. Really, and all along ive been acting and pretending, and convincing everyone including myself that yes! I still have close friends, who bother caring and listening. Maybe they arent in the same school, so what? They are my true friends, and we'll remain this way.But no no no. I realised, its not true anymore. When was the last time i have a heart-to-heart talk to anyone? ):
Everything seems to change with time. Yes, that i cannnot control. But why is it that some things, things i hope that it'll just freaking hell stay the way they are, just change so cruelly with time? ):I want back those friends. Friends whom i can alway call/msg anytime and everything. So i dont have to stare blankly at my phone. Friends whom i know will always be there, so i dont have to keep everything to myself, and even do smth which i regret. Friends who will make me realise the meaning to life, other than jsut the end of it.
Yeah. So i started digging out my diaries, and started reading thru my msges in my phone.The upsetness just overwhlemed me, really. I started to realise the great contrast in my life, within just yr 2006 and 2007 alone.Is it always true that, friends come and go? Friends are just another passerby in our lives? Friends just leave footprints, on the sand, and when the waves come, poof. They'll be gone? I dont want things to be like this, really.For those who actually know me well, no, i dont mean those whom think you know me, but you freaking hell dont. For those who truly know me, you will know thta i dislike changes. ): I like routines, with that i mean routines which i enjoy, and like. Yeah, for things which i like and enjoy going, i dont mind doing them all over again. But i dislike changes so very much.
So anyways, im quite sick and tired of my life at this present moment. Really.Nothing much exciting, nothing much interesting, and nothing much fun.Everything's turning into something superficial and fake. I hate to admit this, but i cant deny it. Yeah, i feel as though im turning into someone superficial too.I can no longer write naked emotions on my face anymore. And it's just so hard to actually open up my heart, and share some true feelings with certain friends.Maybe its because of past experiences. Having friends whom you tell everything to, yet after awhile, turn into someone you can hardly recognise. How sad. Seeing that friend in school, like he's no longer your close friends (or even 'consultant', whom he claimed that you are). Walking past that friend, without any playful punch, or irritating whacks. Sometimes, not even a 'hey' or 'hi'. =l It makes my heart feel quite empty sometimes. Mm, confusing confusing.Why must things change with time?
Nothing to look forward to anymore.For the past few months, if you know me well enough. You'll notice that, there's someone/something that i look forward to. To care for, and to worry bout.But right now, nopes. The someone/something is gone, not physically of course, but emotionally.):
I wanna be back myself, the wenfang i used to be afew months/a yr before.Give me some time. (: And for those who know me before, give me a hand?So maybe, the laughter and simpy joy i used to have, will come back to me.
so much things saidbut do you actually understand;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
